


the world's a little blurry

by drunkonyou



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Endgame Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 23:39:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18861298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkonyou/pseuds/drunkonyou
Summary: Bucky didn't expect Steve to come back





	the world's a little blurry

**Author's Note:**

> this was titled FUCK ENDGAME in my google docs lmfao
> 
> title from ilomilo by billie eilish (that song EXUDES stevebucky angst)

_“I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve.”_

Bucky took the silence that followed, briefly, as confirmation of just that. His HYDRA-addled brain convinced him for a fleeting second that he was nothing but a burden to Steve, to all of them. But then they landed in Siberia and Steve clapped a heavy, comforting hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. _Really_ smiled. He reminisced with him, joked with him, made it feel like old times again, and Bucky knew he was just being foolish.

Steve made him feel worth it. Not just then, in that stolen plane in the middle of nowhere, but for as long as he could remember.

And then Steve offered to be the one to return the Infinity Stones and he knew it was too good to be true.

He's not sure what happened in the time between blinking out of existence at the literal snap of a finger and waking up gasping on the forest floor of Wakanda, but he knew the moment he first set eyes on Steve again in New York amidst the ruins of the Avengers Compound, when he didn't run to him, or tell him he's so glad he's okay like he once would, that everything changed. Half the population got wiped out and somehow the world still turned, but _backward_.

When he first learned time travel was involved in resurrecting everyone, Bucky knew it was over for him. For them. There's no way Steve could resist a temptation so sweet.

Sometime after the final battle and before Stark’s funeral, Bucky managed to come to terms with that fact. He'd hoped, when he first started detoxing under the watchful eye of Shuri from the years of brainwashing he’d suffered, that Steve hadn't forgotten about him. And he didn't, thankfully. But he also hadn't forgotten about Peggy Carter. He did keep a picture of her in his old compass after all. He's not even sure if Steve has any photos of him anymore.

During the funeral, Bucky couldn't help but wonder, if it were only him that died that day in Wakanda, would Steve go through such lengths to get him back?

There was a time he thought so, but when he watched Steve practically jump at the opportunity to put the Stones back where they belong, Bucky knew it wasn't so. Not anymore.

_A burden._

Somehow though he felt a sense of peace when he'd hugged Steve goodbye. All he ever wanted was for him to be happy, _truly_ happy, and if that meant Bucky wasn't to be in his life, then…so be it.

Bucky wasn't really meant for happiness anyway.

He thinks back to when he and Steve were teenagers, when they first started fooling around, and how he thought he'd found his happiness. He wants to laugh at what a pipe dream it was.

He tries to bite his tongue, he really does, but Steve recites some stupid line they used to tell each other before the war, and Bucky tells him he'll miss him.

He thinks he sees a twinkle of understanding in Steve’s eyes, like he knows his plan has been found out (Bucky was always able to see right through Steve), but still he puts on his helmet, tightens his grip on the case carrying the Infinity Stones, and squares his shoulders.

Banner tells them it'll only take five seconds on their end, but Bucky knows it’ll be much, much longer.

When Steve disappears in a flash of blinding light, Wilson begins counting his Mississippi’s. Bucky shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket and turns on his heel. He wants to be halfway across the yard before they realize Steve missed his mark.

“Five Mississippi,” Wilson says.

Bucky quickens his step.

There's a loud _crack_ , and then:

“Buck?”

He stops.

“Bucky,” Steve says again, a tinge of desperation in his voice.

Bucky almost falls to his knees right there in Tony Stark’s backyard. Hands still in his pockets, he turns. Steve is standing in the middle of the launch pad like he never even left. But he’s sporting a mean shiner and a brand-new shield dangles from his hand. Not new, old.

He lets him walk towards him, but Bucky stays where he is. He’s afraid if he moves he’ll do something stupid. Because Steve came _back_.

Banner and Wilson are standing side by side now, brows furrowed. Bucky is at once reminded that these people haven’t known them long, they don’t know a thing about them, what they’ve been through, what they mean to each other. They have no idea.

“What happened?” Bucky asks, pulling a hand from his pocket and gesturing vaguely to his own face.

Steve has the balls to laugh and stops maybe five feet in front of him. “She wouldn’t take me back.”

Bucky doesn’t have to ask who he’s referring to. He wants to kick himself for the relief, the smug pride that tugs at his chest and makes his fingertips tingle.

“I told her everything, Buck,” Steve continues, “and she socked me one.”

“Smart girl.”

Steve drops his shield at his side, and Bucky doesn’t think about how that’s the third time Steve has done that for him. “She told me I was being foolish for living in the past, just because that’s where I’m from. She has her own life, and I’m disappointed in myself for thinking I could change that. And I know you are too.”

Bucky casts his eyes to the ground.

“Peggy is my past, but, _Buck_ ,” he can hear Steve inching closer to him, “you’re my future.”

He looks up. Steve is looking at him so sincerely Bucky feels lightheaded. He’s looking at him the way he used to, like Bucky is the only person in the world. He thinks he can hear Wilson swear under his breath.

He swallows. “Can’t believe it took a punch to the face for you to realize that.”

He doesn’t mean to sound so bitter, but he wouldn’t take it back. If his throat didn’t feel like it was about to close right up he’d tell Steve he’s not just a fool but a damn bastard for wanting to leave him there, after everything. He wants to wrap his fingers around his throat and shake him around a bit. _What about the end of the line?_ he wants to shout.

When Steve is finally within arms reach, Bucky smacks him right across the face. He uses his left hand on instinct, and the metal catches Steve’s lip and tears it open. Blood slides down his chin, and Steve sops it up with the neckline of his shirt with a rueful smile. Bucky’s chest is heaving and he shoves his hand back into his pocket where it can’t do any more damage. If he had a dollar for every drop of blood Steve shed because of him since 2014 he’d be a rich man.

“Guess I deserved that.”

“You did,” Bucky agrees, trying and failing to keep his voice steady. And then the dam breaks.

“Buck—”

“You risked your life for me, more than once. You almost lost everything trying to save me from HYDRA, not even knowing if I would ever be myself again. And then you—you were ready to just forget it all at the drop of a hat? For a woman who died almost a decade ago? She’s not _here_ , Steve. I am.”

“That’s why I came back,” Steve says pathetically. His eyes are shiny.

Bucky tugs at his hair. The passionate rant is beginning to fizzle and die on his tongue already. He never was able to stay mad at Steve for long. “I always liked Agent Carter, really, I did, but the fact that there was even a choice…”

He knows how selfish he sounds, but he gets the feeling Peggy told Steve the same thing, right before giving him a black eye.

“I have no excuse,” Steve’s lip wells with more blood, and he spits it out into the grass. “I had a lapse of judgment. I don’t know what else to say.”

“I think you should forgive him,” Banner says, but they ignore him.

“Why’d you save me then? Why’d you do so much for me back then if you were just going to leave me?”

“Because you’re worth it, Buck.”

Steve reaches out cautiously like Bucky is some feral animal, and squeezes the junction that connects his neck to his shoulder. It’s a familiar gesture, and it threatens to turn Bucky’s already shaky legs to jelly.

“And I left because I thought you’d be safer without me around, but I knew that was just a bunch of malarkey. Peggy made me realize that.”

“We run into the same amount of trouble on our own as together. I wouldn't be any safer,” Bucky tells him. “You're the only reason I wanted to get better. You're the only reason I got that apartment in Bucharest instead of just blowing my brains out and calling it a day.”

Steve winces. His grip tightens on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I figured the others could be your family.”

“You're my family. I need you.”

Steve smiles, and Bucky can’t help but reciprocate it. In one swift movement he pulls Bucky against his chest. Bucky goes willingly.

“I’m so sorry, Buck.”

He hesitantly wraps his arms around Steve’s waist. They hugged not even ten minutes before, but that felt like an indefinite goodbye. This feels different. A new beginning, perhaps. The sort of hug they should’ve shared years ago.

Bucky pulls back when his heart begins to stutter against his ribcage. Steve is crying unabashedly now, letting the tears flow freely down his cheeks. He brushes his metal thumb beneath each eye, then beneath his swollen lip, smearing blood across his chin. Steve doesn’t so much as flinch.

“Please forgive me.”

“Okay,” his heart still aches, but he knows it’ll begin to ease up with time. Now that Steve’s here, now that he stayed. “End of the line, and all that.”

Banner blows his nose as loud as a foghorn in the background.

Steve slides his hand up the back of his neck until he’s cradling the base of his skull. “End of the fuckin’ line.”

All Bucky ever wanted was for Steve to be happy, and he’ll be damned if it isn’t with him.

**Author's Note:**

> might fuck around and make this into a small series? stay tuned
> 
> twitter: generaipoe


End file.
